Coaching is not only about comfortable communication. It’s primarily about creating a safe space where the client can honestly explore their goals, fears, and personal challenges. However, one of the most common mistakes among coaches is equating safety with comfort. It’s easy to confuse the desire to support the client with the aim of making the session easy. But true safety in coaching means the ability to explore the uncomfortable, not avoid it.
Why do clients come to coaching?
People turn to coaches not to find comfort—they can get that from friends or family. They are looking for an objective perspective, a challenge to their thinking, an opportunity to see their issues from a new angle. A successful coach helps the client explore what others might avoid, creating opportunities for growth in the uncomfortable.
The coach’s role in highlighting uncomfortable aspects
A coach should help the client look at the darker sides of a situation, highlight hidden aspects, and challenge thought patterns. This is especially important for leaders or executives who are used to constant approval from others. They often need a safe space to reflect, to step beyond the familiar, and to examine their behavior patterns more deeply.
How to explore the uncomfortable: key approaches
Challenge behaviors and patterns: Be the light that shines on habits and approaches that may be hindering the client.
Highlight avoided topics: Invite the client to explore aspects they might not notice or choose to ignore.
Question beliefs and assumptions: Help the client understand what lies behind their thoughts and decisions.
Working with uncomfortable aspects is not only a part of effective coaching, but also essential for the client’s development. The coach’s role is to share observations objectively and respectfully, without judgment, allowing the client to decide how to use the insights.
Why might coaches avoid uncomfortable conversations?
There are several common reasons why coaches may avoid delving into complex topics:
Fear of causing discomfort: coaches may worry that uncomfortable topics could be emotionally challenging for the client.
Fear of a negative reaction: if the client has a strong personality, coaches might fear an awkward response.
Personal emotional discomfort: some coaches may feel insecure when it comes to addressing emotional topics
Insufficient trust: if the coaching relationship is not yet strong, the client may hesitate to open up or show vulnerability.
Despite these obstacles, diving into complex conversations is an important part of professional growth for both the coach and the client.
How to become more confident in working with discomfort?
Understand your reactions to discomfort: figure out what causes your unease in such situations—it could be the client’s personality, the topic, or your own response to emotions.
Practice comfort with discomfort: develop the skill to remain focused and calm, even in challenging conversations. The most effective way is individual or group supervision for coaches—a process that helps the coach develop a clear mind. ICF recommends supervision at least quarterly.
Intend to support the client: remember, your priority is to support the client’s growth. If they feel your commitment to their development, they may be more open.
Develop the ability to challenge: a session focused only on comfort can hinder your own growth in the ability to ask strong, thought-provoking questions. Practice challenging as an essential part of the coaching process.
Important clarifications: when discomfort may require additional support
Sometimes clients avoid topics related to deep trauma. In such cases, the coach should recommend additional professional psychological support. It is also essential to remember that the client has the right to choose how deeply they want to explore certain issues. The coach’s task is to respect their decisions and provide the space for choice.
Comments